rooted-in-nature-counseling-fzvmz

Holiday-Mess-Express

Sun, 15 Dec 2024 17:47:10 GMT

For the burnout mamas this holiday season

As a professional counselor and single mama, I can attest to the burnout that can wreak havoc on those trying to balance “all the things”. While a degree of burnout is, unfortunately, always present in a lot of mama’s lives, the holidays can cause a shift from bright and jolly to burnt out and stressed real quick! In some cases, it seems like the holidays rev the engine of perfectionism to the absolute max. As a trauma-focused counselor, it is not uncommon for me to sit with the stress, panic, and overwhelm of other women trying to plan, create, implement (and then clean up) the perfect, Hallmark-worthy experience for their family.

Why, you may wonder, is there such pressure placed on a perfect holiday? Why, specifically, are women expected to coordinate such? Whether from external pressure of the family for mom to navigate everything or, more commonly, the internal, ingrained pressure that mom has had placed upon her generationally… it is a holiday recipe for mama burnout. In mom’s mind: “The ornaments on the tree must be perfect, because I’m expected to uphold my flawless decorating role within the family.” “Each child must have fancy, new gifts wrapped nicely in decorative paper, with matching ribbon/bows.” “The house must be spotless, because what will my mother-in-law think if it’s not.” “The kids have to have on their clean, coordinated holiday outfits… and don’t you dare let them get dirty before pictures are taken!” “I can’t overcook the ham in the slightest bit, because Aunt Sue won’t let me hear the end of it.”

This constant whirlwind of thoughts may begin as early as mid-November and not stop until after the New Year for some mamas. Behind mom’s irritable behavior, her yelling (to not make mess; to just put on your fancy dress; to not play with the decorations), and her frustration is a woman trying desperately to go above and beyond for everyone. Though well-intentioned, mom’s burnout-behaviors seem contradictory to her happy, Hallmark goals.

So, for those of you thrown onto the holiday-burnout-express with mom: gear up, put on a fake smile, don’t make a mess, and stay out of her way – all will be fine! Just kidding… I’m writing this for my fellow mamas that want off the holiday-burnout-express once and for all.

My tips, as a recovering perfectionist and trauma-focused counselor? Challenge your ingrained instinct for perfection by keeping your goals at forefront of your mind. Ask yourself these questions, to guide you through your holidays:

Is it more important to me to have a spotless house with children sitting as statues on the couch, not messing up anything? Or is having a “lived-in” house with toys scattered, wrapping paper scraps decorating the floor, and kids running around laughing more important to me?

Is it more important to me that I cook a made-from-scratch, homemade holiday meal that takes me all day to prepare, keeping me stuck in the kitchen from morning until night? Or am I okay with some ready-made options or even a holiday meal prepared by my family’s favorite restaurant (mmm… Bob Evans!) if it means that I can prioritize time with my family (and also have a great meal).

Am I okay with fully supporting my child’s creativity and allowing them to decorate the tree, even if it means that the Christmas lights are in one jumbled ball in the middle of tree and the ornaments are mix-matched from different “sets”? (And to make us perfectionists squirm just a little more… a random toy or two peaking out of the tree branches, because our kiddo thought it would be a perfect addition to the design aesthetic).

“Perfection” is a destructive concept that often shames individuals into thinking that they are not enough.

The best gift to yourself this holiday season?

Accepting yourself (and your loved ones) for however you (and they) are; imperfections, craziness, and all.

Prioritize acceptance and presence over perfection, for the holidays and always.

With love,

Your recovering perfectionist, trauma-focused, fellow mama (trying her best, just like you)

EMDR Can Be Intense (in the best way!)

Fri, 02 Aug 2024 20:47:05 GMT

What are EMDR Intensives?

EMDR Intensives

Days, not months

While EMDR Therapy can provide relief from symptoms regardless of which format it is presented in, EMDR intensives provide an opportunity for relief in days , not months or years.

EMDR Intensives are an investment in your well-being, just as any other medical treatment. Although you will make a larger investment upfront, the cost for an intensive is a definitive amount rather than the ongoing (and often undetermined) total for weekly therapy. The intensive format not only saves you time, but it also saves you money in the long run.

How many days should I plan for?

While a thorough assessment is necessary during intake, to determine which option is best for you, the following recommendations can give you an idea of what to expect:

Single-focus Intensive

Typically 1 - 3 days

Recommended for:

Individuals with one specific goal, event, or trauma that they would like to address/target
Individuals that have experienced recent trauma (in the past 6 months) and would like to address that event exclusively (i.e., assault, robbery, car accident, divorce, etc.)

Ongoing Traumatic Stress Intensive

Typically 1 - 3 days

Recommended for:

Individuals in high-pressure and "helping" professions, where vicarious trauma is more likely (i.e., first responders, police officers, nurses, therapists, social workers, etc.)
Individuals that experienced a traumatic event in the past (+6 months ago), and are still affected by it in the present (i.e., car accident, domestic violence, natural disaster, an assault, etc.)

Story Clearing Intensive

Typically 4 - 5 days

Recommended for:

Individuals that want to "clear" multiple points throughout their life, such as childhood trauma, attachment wounds, ongoing relationship issues, complex trauma, multiple traumatic experiences, etc.

What will my investment be?

Intensives can be comprised of full days and/or half days. Packages start at $300 for weekday options .

Weekend options may be available upon request, for an additional investment.

Refer to Investment details below, for additional information

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Half-day Investment

$300 per half day (3 hours)

+ $100 (for a 1-hour follow-up session, post-intensive)

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Full-day Investment

$500 per full-day (5 hours)

+ $100 (follow-up session)

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"Weekender" Option

Similar to the Intensive options detailed above, but scheduled during the weekend for optimal relaxation.

Perfect for scheduling a yoga class, massage, and/or just some down time in-between your sessions.

Weekend Intensive typically consists of:

3 hours on Friday evening

4 hours Saturday

3 hours Sunday

Includes:

20-minute pre-intensive consultation call

Resources, assessments, and personalized "tools"

Customized treatment program

1-hour follow-up ~2 weeks after the intensive

The Weekender Option is a total investment of $1,600

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Deposit Policy

A non-refundable deposit of 50% of the total Intensive cost is require

to schedule any type of Intensive service. This deposit will used towards your service cost,

and the remainder of the cost will be due on the first day of the Intensive.

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What is included in my investment?

I acknowledge that my clients are making an investment in their well-being when they seek services; not just from a financial standpoint, but from a time and energy standpoint as well. Rather than scheduling back-to-back clients all day every day, I emphasize the quality that each client receives. Keeping my caseload limited ensures that you receive quality services and that your investment in this intensive goes far beyond our scheduled time together.

Your Intensive Includes:

A 20-minute consultation call, prior to booking, to determine if an intensive is right for you

Resources, assessments, and personalized "tools" to assist in your healing

A customized treatment program, to address your specific goals

A 60-minute follow-up session, scheduled ~2 weeks after the Intensive,

to reflect on areas of insight, relief, and transformation, while also

exploring options for continued growth and healing

For more information, check out the Q&A below or email me directly today!

Q&A

Can EMDR Help Me?

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 13:57:40 GMT

EMDR: How can it help?

Personal Experience

I am a firm believer that experience brings about the best understanding because, from the wise words of one of my mentors: "we only know what we don't know". So, I am going to give you a quick peek into my personal experience with EMDR. Buckle up....

I try to be a practice-what-you-preach type of person and, for that reason, I genuinely try to integrate a lot of the therapeutic approaches and coping skills into my personal life that I help my clients utilize in their own therapeutic journeys. EMDR Therapy is no exception. So much so that the institute that trained me in EMDR Therapy required everyone to participate in a practicum where the trainees had to provide and receive EMDR Therapy.

I have been participating in EMDR Therapy in my own counseling sessions for a few months now, and here is what I’ve experienced:

less reactivity (i.e., a decrease feeling of being on edge, jumpiness, PTSD-type symptoms, etc.)

an increased ability to have fun with my child (the more I heal my own inner child) (I laughed until my stomach hurt watching the movie "Vivo"... “the 5 P’s of planning: proper planning prevents poor performance”. Lol, if you know you know. I have found myself enjoying our impromptu soccer games together, and have just been more playful in our everyday interactions)

feeling more sure of myself/accepting of myself while also simultaneously feeling empowered to explore who I really am - beyond my trauma . (what music I enjoy, what styles I feel best in, which activities I genuinely want to pursue )

In the past, my functioning can best be summed up as a constant "trauma response'. I was always in fight-flight mode, and genuinely had no idea of who I was. Due to this unstable sense of self, I seemed to change course constantly in a desperate attempt to find myself. I now know, in trauma therapy terms, that different “part” of me were fighting for the spotlight, trying to take center stage of who I was in any given moment. While these different parts are all me, none of them singlehandedly constructed who I am as a person. In other words, none of them aligned with my “true self”.

However, through EMDR reprocessing, I have felt a sense of calm with my exploration of self as well as a feeling of acceptance of my various parts (such as my 5 year old inner child self, angsty teenage self, lost young adult self, mom self, daughter self, professional self, etc.). Each of these parts is present with intention and, while some are less effective in their ways, they are all present to provide me with forms of safety and protection. I have learned to accept each of them to the fullest, and continue finding alignment with my true self.

Your Experience

So, when people ask me what EMDR Therapy can do for them… I don’t quite know what to say. The possibilities are endless. Not having met the present, healing version of yourself, I don’t think words can sum up the immense beauty that is underneath the surface of your cumulative experiences. While I cannot define what you will discover during this journey, I know it will be a thing of beauty. To experience the freedom that comes along with accepting yourself to the fullest and no longer being bound by the chains and wounds of your past... it is both indescribable and different for everyone.

With that being said… I want to place a disclaimer on this wonderful therapy option. It DOES NOT feel like sunshine and rainbows. Please here me say that… while my decreased reactivity and increased playfulness has been happily welcomed, my first week of reprocessing felt like a cyclone of anger, sadness, and a whole lot of “f*ck this sh*t”… there are obstacles and roadblocks and freaking sky-high mountains that emerge to knock you on your ass as you reprocess some memories… but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Then another mountain… and then more light. Then it feels like you got tackled by a football player, emotionally… but then there's a really beautiful sunset �� Okay, you get the point.

It’s a journey worth taking, but please be prepared. You’re about to meet your best self; it just takes a little bit of wrestling with (and acceptance of) the past.

Are you interested in trying EMDR, for your healing journey?

Go to the "Contact" tab on the Rooted website, or click the link below, to email me today!

We can have a 15-minute phone/video consultation to explore if EMDR is right for you

or we can just jump right in - we can get started on some paperwork and then get your appointment date/time secured.

https://www.rootedinnaturecounseling.com/contact

New Year. Same Me. Not Ashamed.

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 13:52:47 GMT

I get so excited for New Year’s Eve to roll around, as it gives me a slight dopamine boost after the Christmas “what do I do now” recovery period. It never fails though; as the clock ticks on during NYE, it is always accompanied by my trusty emotional roller coaster which often includes ugly crying and failed attempts at deep breathing. Reminiscing on the beautiful times, filled with laughter and spontaneity. Gratitude for our loved ones who are still with us… even through cancer diagnoses, car accidents, physical and mental health issues, etc. Thank you, Lord for their continued presence. I grieve and re-grieve the ones whose presence is lacking, both momentarily and eternally. Feeling the pain of the year’s hurts and heartbreaks. The sheer overwhelm of all that the year has held… I embrace it all.

Doesn’t that sound fun? Would you like to join in on my version of a NYE celebration? You may wonder why I don’t party it up like so many others do; toasting champagne, kissing at midnight, dancing the night away. The truth is, I have spent too many days, too many years trying everything to numb away my emotions. Most of my attempts were ineffective, short term, and certainly unhealthy. Though I intentionally cut out the majority of my “emotion-numbing” attempts (I am still fighting the hold that food and thrift shopping have on me - it's a process, y'all), a benefit of such has been a shift in the way I respond to my emotions.

Rather than trying everything to not feel the overwhelming emotions of life, I have (over time) learned to give myself the grace and the gift of sitting in my emotions. It may not be the most euphoric thing in the moment, as I am sure the NYE party-goers would agree, but reflecting on the year’s adventures and feeling all the emotions the arise in connection to it all… you are giving yourself the gift of processing the year.

Last year’s baggage is going to come with you into the New Year, no matter how many affirmations, resolutions, goals, etc. you put out into the universe; but processing the year’s happenings will lessen the load of that baggage. It’s such a glorified idea that we go into the New Year “new”; as if midnight will create a reverse Cinderella effect… instead of her fancy dress, carriage, etc. disappearing at midnight, we will be presented with all heart’s desires when we shift into the new year. It sounds good and it may be fun, for that night.

You know who will likely wake up on New Years Day with no regrets? The companies whose sales skyrocketed, providing people fancy clothes, New Year’s Eve accessories, champagne, liquor, etc. and (hopefully) Uber Drivers. My point is, things aren’t always worth the hype. Sometimes they are another opportunity to self-harm, deflect, and numb – but presented in such a glamorized way.

Wow… that really sounds like I’m hating on anyone that goes out on NYE. Yikes! I promise, I am not. I am also not encouraging anybody to cry all night on the floor of your locked bathroom, ruminating about your whole life. All I am saying is that it’s okay if your NYE didn’t look like it’s “supposed” to. You didn’t fail. If you didn’t do a balloon-drop for your kids – you didn’t fail. If you didn’t feel happy and optimistic as the clock neared 12 – you didn’t fail. If you didn’t toast to a new year – you didn’t fail. If you cried, or stayed in bed – you didn’t fail. My hope for everyone on NYE, and all days, is that you provided for you and your body whatever it needed from you at the time. This past NYE, I needed a good cry and a makeshift tea party on the floor with my girls. That was my win. What will yours be?

rooted-in-nature-counseling-fzvmz

Holiday-Mess-Express

For the burnout mamas this holiday season

EMDR Can Be Intense (in the best way!)

What are EMDR Intensives? ﻿

Can EMDR Help Me?

EMDR: How can it help?

New Year. Same Me. Not Ashamed.

What are EMDR Intensives?